Alcoholic :)

You know I kind of feel sorry for anyone who is trying to follow this blog. I can be one to dart about like an ADD chicken with its head cut of; it hasn't gotten too bad yet, but I do see that it soon will. I have 3, 4, sometimes even 5 thought processes I end up wanting to write about while I am on the treadmill. There are so many stories to tell, so many lessons God has taught me about that I want to share and then there is my testimony that I want to write about and organize. All of these will probably be all mashed together in a seemingly disorganized and totally random type of presentation. Oh, well surely those who know me won't be surprised and those who find me and start getting to know me will figure out pretty fast.

Well, on July 17, 1992 when I walked into the church where I met Jesus, my life was forever changed. I never did drugs after that day. There was a time that I was tempted shortly before Alexandra was born. I was with friends and had resisted well, but then my desire to be high like them overcome my resolve to get better. They were huffing collaborator cleaner and I wanted to do it too b/c "I missed that feeling." The cops showed up; two of them ran two of us stayed to face the music. I obviously wasn't going to take off running my stomach was the size of a watermelon. He told us to leave Plano and not come back. (My drivers license had a Dallas Address on it.) We promptly left, went to Richardson, called our friends and drove back to get them. I left my best friend at the Denny's waiting for us. When I picked up the other two, we stopped by the Albertson's to pick up a new can of Carb-medic so we could go huff. Low and behold, the same cop drove passed us in the parking lot. He stopped us, and pulled everyone out of the car. As you can imagine, he was pretty angry at me for coming back into Plano. He proceeded to read me my rights, cuff me and put me in his squad car. He had found a warrant on my the first time he stopped us and let me go. He considered my reentry into Plano to be me spitting in the face of his grace and took me in on the warrant. I spent the night in jail. My best friend was stuck at Denny's; the car was impounded, and my other friends had to call my mother in the middle of the night to tell her I was in jail and her car was at the impound. The amazing thing is that I did not do drugs that night. God's amazing grace kept me from falling. It was one of the first times I realized that He loved me more than I loved myself and that He was not going to let me destroy myself anymore. He will send whatever it takes to get our attention and to keep us from walking down a path that He does not want us to walk down. I went to jail, I was probably 8 and a half months pregnant and I was starving. I spent the night laying on a cement bed, miserable and hungry. God spoke to me so clearly that night. I think it may be the first time my heart heard Him speak to it. As I lay there in jail, I realized that He had sent me a warning, a message when the cop showed up minutes before I was going to cave in and huff. He tried to tell me, "no, you don't want to do that." I did not listen to the subtle warning He sent, so He sent a complete road block. I am grateful He sent the road block. I would have regretted terribly the choice to use and inflict that baby with more drugs. I am also grateful that He taught me that night that when He wants something we can do it the easy way or we can do it the hard way, but it will get done.

I have run out of time. More on the Alcoholism on the next post.