Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Birthday blessing

This morning, as I woke up and ran, I pondered what a birthday means. Today was the day God chose to bring me into this world. He ordained the exact moment that I would take my first breath and He has ordained the moment I will take my last breath. He ordained who my parents would be. He looked from eternity and saw every agonizing abusive moment that I would endure and He rejoiced in it. He rejoiced b/c He also saw today and tomorrow and the rest of my days. He was not limited to seeing only the present or past. He knew what I would endure and who it would make me and how He use it to help so many people. I don't know how many people I have helped at this point in my life, but He has promised me that the day will come when my story is told in such a way over and over that people will find life, freedom, hope and trust in Him. I am not trying to make myself seem important or seem like I have some great "calling". What I am saying is that I am at peace with all that my life has been b/c I know He is my redeemer and He set a plan in motion before breath ever entered into me to bring me to a place where I could write His story in my life and be able to tell people my story. I am a bringer of the light, a carrier of hope. I am evidence and can testify that no matter how bad the beginning is, the end can be so beyond our comprehension. My name, Dawn, is a name He gave me. It is a name that He chose for me b/c it is who I am. He uses me to bring first light into darkness. He uses me to plow and pioneer a way for others. B/c my darkness was so dark, His light in me is so bright. I can rejoice in every part of my life b/c He has given it purpose and beauty. He has turned my mourning into dancing, and given me beauty for ashes; I can say, without hesitation, with every fiber of my being and with total sincerity and authenticity, "I would do it all again. I would change nothing (not one thing)." I am who I am today b/c of the path I have walked; the pain is part of that. Because things were so tough when I was young, I am resilient. I am like a cork in the water. You cannot keep me down. I will always float to the top. Knock me down and I will stand right back up. (I Pray that I will stand back up prepared to hug, bless and forgive.) I feel like so much of my life I have been treading water with 100 pounds weights on each leg. The weights are gone now, but I have gotten strong from carrying them. Now I can swim out and rescue (with God's help) those who are drowning. The strength gained from carrying all that weight for so long makes me able to carry others who cannot walk for themselves, yet.

This morning my devotion was really all about this concept. The scripture was

Romans 5:3-5
And not only that, but we also glory in tribulation, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and and character hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

I would have to say my life has been characterized by a great deal of tribulation. I would not be exaggerating to say that there are children and people who have not been able to survive some of the things that I have endured in my life. I can glory and rejoice in that tribulation b/c it developed in me perseverance. I am not one to give up. When I know that somethings needs to be done or God is telling me to do something, I will not give up; I will not let go. There is a strength and passion inside of me that will not be put under. Now, I cannot depend on that strength. I need God, but He has worked a tenacity in me that is fierce. That is a gift born out of the tribulation of my childhood and early adulthood. There is also a hope inside of me that nothing can put out. I hope and pray that my hope pours out onto people and touches them, impacts them, and infects them with hope. The tribulation also worked in me a fierce passion for life. I delight and rejoice in every day I am given. Life, for me is full of zest, adventure and excitement. I know that I, by all rights, should be dead many times over, so how could I waste a day I am given. Not that I feel forced to do anything b/c I missed out. I am just so grateful for each day I am given and I greet the day with eager anticipation. I am not sure that I would see life as so full of beauty and zest if I had not walked in the valley of death and sorrow for so long.

Today I rejoice that I was chosen to walk this path; I rejoice that God entrusted to me this story and calls me to share about His goodness, grace, and redemption. I rejoice that He redeemed my life from the pit (and is was a pit, maybe more like a sewer). I am grateful that my mother brought me into this world; I am grateful that she raised us the best she knew how; I am grateful that she prayed for me to know Jesus; I am grateful that she has helped me and impacted me more than I may ever really know. I am grateful that God has healed and restored our relationship so we can love each other. I am so grateful that my mother lives with us and that I get to see her every single day and that my children get to be so close to their grandmother (in a country where it is more common for there to be great distances between children, parents and grandchildren).

God has been so good to me. "If all the trees were pens and all the oceans ink, I could not write out all the ways He has been good to me ." (borrowed from the band Me Without You).

No comments:

Post a Comment